By Pam Hogeweide

Pam is a mom a wife and a “for real” follower of Jesus. Pam spent many years working with YWAM and currently resides in Oregon. She originally got our attention by unsubscribing to The Idealab to protest the cost of a conference we produce. We liked her chutzpah and opened a dialog with her about other things that bug her about Christians and Church. In true Pam form she “took us to places we hadn’t thought about”. Fasten your seat belts and get ready to have your assumptions challenged or maybe bent.

“What the f*** is wrong with me?” The mother lode of all swear words flew through my mouth before I could stop myself and it landed onto the ears of my missionary friends. Our conversation had become vulnerable and as I let my guard down a bit of my bloody, cuss-infested guts spilt out. I quickly apologized. They assured me that all was well, no offense taken. But I must have triggered an avalanche of swearing because they cussed it up for the rest of the evening. I hadn’t heard that much profanity since watching The Soprano’s on Sunday night.

What is it about cussing that gets our attention in the sub-culture of American Christianity? Why is it that we can go to a 12-step recovery meeting and feel more freedom with our language there than we do at a church gathering?

I know a Christian counselor who tells me that he lets his clients know they can use any words they want to express themselves to him. I kind of wonder why bartenders don’t have to do the same thing with their customers.

Recently I was in conversation with a pastor I know. To emphasize a point he said, “Why the hell…” then, as if he realized his fly was open, he quickly retracted, “I mean, ‘Why aren’t we…’” I called him on it straight away (not because I was offended, but because I was intrigued at his self-censorship). “I’m speaking freely with you,” he explained.

Religious people, to me, can be sort of like the woman in the classic Al Pacino film, Dog Day Afternoon, who said to her cussing co-workers, “I’m a Christian. My ears are not garbage cans.” The thing is, we sometimes can’t hear what someone is saying because we are too busy being riled up that they just said sh*t. When I was younger I had a roommate who was very pious and read her bible a lot. In contrast, I wrestled with some personal difficulties, like depression. She would pummel my broken heart with verse after verse of how I ought to be and feel, until one day, overcome by frustration, I finally told her to f*** off. We both sat there stunned. That little word carries a lot of power. Finally she spoke, “Pam, I don’t think it’s very godly to use language like that. The bible says…” and on she droned, unable to hear the unspoken hurt inside of me for she was too busy being offended by my language.

Swearing is not just about swearing, but about the undercurrents of our inner life. Cussing is part of the language of our emotions.

I talked with Mike Yankoski and Sam Purvis about swearing. These guys, who are followers of Christ, decided to take a break from college a few years ago and live homeless – on purpose. They traveled to different cities over several months to explore America as street people. Mike wrote a book about their experiences called Under the Overpass. His book is a fascinating look at street culture, except for one thing – it’s a sanitized memoir. Mike told me that because it was being published by a Christian publisher for a Christian audience that, in this context, it meant No Swearing. (I guess his publisher doesn’t know any cussing Christians like I do)

Mike and Sam have great insights about the power of words and swearing. They heard a lot of it while living on the streets of our nation’s cities. “Using a cuss word is almost like a non-verbal form of communication,” says Mike. “It’s like slapping someone in the middle of a sentence.” Sam decided that it’s all about context and that words themselves are neither good, nor bad, but rather how they are intended is what matters. “Language is just the carrier of our thoughts and feelings,” Sam told me

Ken and Deborah Loyd would agree. They’re pastors of The Bridge, a church in Portland, Oregon that welcomes people from the streets no matter what they look like or how they talk. Actually, the Loyd’s look and sound a lot like the very people they are giving Jesus to. “We’re not swearing, “says Deborah, “we use words that the Christian culture would call swear words, but in our culture they are not.”

Swearing in street life is like a dialect. But what about cussing Christians? Can that ever be ok? Didn’t Paul, the magnificent apostle who wrote half the new testament instruct followers of Christ to stay away from harmful speech? There are some verses that straight out say Do Not let unwholesome speech come out of your mouth. I want to know: Who decides what’s unwholesome?

In some households words like piss or crap are considered vulgar, definitely not on the wholesome list. I have sometimes wondered how Jesus got away with calling the Pharisees names like whitewashed tombs (ouch) or another time he compared them to a brood of snakes(doesn’t sound wholesome to me). We know he was considered completely sinless to God his Father, so what gives? Why did Jesus’ language not cross the line into the sin zone?

Context and intent - it seems to go back to that. Not religious wrangling over the legality of certain words, but rather, the motive of the speaker. Jesus said, “It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words.” (Matthew 12:34, The Message)

“How does a follower of Jesus use language?” asked Todd Hunter, president of Alpha Course. “Love,” concludes Todd, “is to be the judge of all speech.” I think that’s the bottom line to using any language.

Mark Twain said it this way, “The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.”

Words have power and context is everything …and I suppose I can call you butthead, as long as I do it in love.